Eulogy of Mama by her sister Nancy….

Jacki

 

-Jacki without an “e”, Ann without an “e”, Jacqueline with a “q”

Early Interests shaped passions for herself and others later in life. Several examples of how Jacki’s past played out in the future of others

Rockhound– had a collection in elementary school, could identify them, knew their history, etc..  Wade, wonder where your future came from??

Spiritual- interest and belief in the supernatural. Erin, you fit in perfectly

History– school: academic/vocational. Jacki decided to take History in Grade 12. Unheard of but she worked very hard and was successful. Future: passion for history played out through her lifelong interest in art history and travels in Egypt, England, and Europe where she was thrilled to visit galleries and museums that she had always read about.

Sewing and Textiles: major area of study in senior high school: revisited passion with coursework in the textiles programme at Capilano University over several years. She was very proud of her studies there and didn’t feel out of place with younger college students.

Caring:

Family:  Pride in her children’s talents, interests, education and pursuits.

Dallas: Accomplishments in your administrative roles with Pride at local, national and international levels. Travel to meetings including Europe and The White House. Poise when being interviewed by media on T.V.

Wade: Geology degree through SFU as well as further education at BCIT. Successful career as a geologist both in the field and at the corporate level.

Erin and Wade: so proud of the dedication you both have shown as parents both in your daily care of Effie and Wyatt and your commitment to do the best job you can as parents.

As Granny: loved being able to be there so much to experience development of Effie and Wyatt. Fun, play, laughter, games.

Also, took seriously the role of aunt for my kids at graduations and celebrations. Accepted being like a grandparent with pride and responsibility.

Career: Westover Day Care: dedication, genuine care and concern, creativity; recognized by educators who worked with her for the excellent programme she ran there.

Home Support and Careworker: Jacki epitomized the person you would have hoped for to care for you, your child, or your family member. She talked about her “gift” and many were so grateful to have benefitted from her care and dedication. She often spoke of her clients with great and devotion.

Accepting:  Okay, this is what you’ve got. When you are young, you have dreams and assumptions about how things will turn out. Well, Jacki accepted and celebrated the unusual as it turned up in her future. And it did.

For Dallas, she accepted her choices and marched proudly in many Pride Parades with the Parents Group and readily welcomed getting to know her friends wherever Dallas lived.

When the news came that Wade and Erin’s wedding would be officiated by a Wiccan priest, she didn’t bat an eyelash. That was what her kids wanted and so it would be.

When she became aware of some health concerns of her own, she became educated and accepted treatment and limitations with strength and determination.

Jacki could also certainly be feisty and fiercely independent. She travelled to Egypt twice on her own where she lived out her childhood dream of seeing the pyramids. Feisty: when she came to see the Rolling Stones with Paul and me a few years ago, she took exception to people standing in front of us and made it clear that they should sit down and they did. We can all hear her saying “I can do it.”

Things you may not have known about Jacki:

SPORT Swimming accomplishments- Canadian Dolphins member

FITNESS Jazzercize Queen active participant in 70’s leotards

HOCKEY TEAM-Favourite player- Frank Maholovich 27

Teenage rebel: tasselled bikini, backcombed bleached hair, Christmas entrance in suedine bellbottoms with cigarette and rum and coke

FAV BAND Great fan of Rolling Stones and

FAV MOVIES Lawrence of Arabia and Doctor Zhivago

MOST COMMON OF COMPUTER SKILLS Ancestry.ca

What would Jacki want?

Don’t live in the past. It’s done, so move forward.

Don’t keep crying over me. You have people to care for so devote your energy with them.

Go where you’ve always wanted to go. No time like the present to pursue your dreams.

 

Thank you for spending this time with us and be sure to laugh as you share memories of Jacki.

Eulogy of Mama by her sister Nancy….

The Things You Notice While Watching Your Mother Sleep

Image Just a quick caveat… I do not know these people. I felt like I should showcase them however, because at some point their children will realize that their penchant for naked selfies and long dark hair are in fact their parents fault.

For the past couple of days I have been spending some time at a hospital watching my mom sleep. As a cancer patient, who is at the whim of the B.C. Health Care System (Universal Health Care…. we have to love it as Canadians) my mom has been pumped up full of morphine in order to mask the effects of an awful disease that has yet to be treated. This has led her to a shit tonne of sleeping. I have had the awkward pleasure of watching her do that because there really is nothing else to do in that room other than stare at her roommate who likes to listen to his Sony Walkman and snore.

There are two main things that I have reflected on about my personality whilst reflecting on myself in the face of morphine.

#1: My mom hates people helping her. Therefore, I hate people helping me.

#2: My dad hates it when people don’t help him. Therefore, I hate it when people don’t help me.

You can see where the confusion lay. As I said to my brother today as we were getting our third dose of caffeine, “it’s no wonder we are both so fucked up.”

Please don’t think that I am blaming my parents for who I am or the limitations I may have. Absolutely not. What I am saying is that their actions/personalities have most likely influenced my inability to understand what I actually want, or who I actually am. And, it probably happened to them by their parents, and so on, and so on….

If you think about it, ones parents/caretakers/etc. are the centre of a kid’s world for the most important part of their developing lives. Our morals, our thoughts, our dreams, and our life rules are pretty much determined by the age of 10. For me, what I remember most about my morals were as follows:

“Do not have sex until you are 21.”

“You eat too much.”

“We don’t like Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

Worldy, I know. And none of it stuck. Thank goodness.

But, what I am trying to get at is that I feel like I have had to play the game of “how much should I care” for most of my life.

For example today. My mom is sick, yes. She is entitled to ask for the help she wants. My Dad is not sick. He wants to help my mom. They are divorced. Mom does not want help from him. He says he will do it anyways.

Mom. “We are divorced. We no longer have to do anything for each other.”

Dad. “We are divorced however, I took a vow to be there in sickness and in health.”

Dallas. “Mom, you are totally right. You are divorced and this is what happens. And Dad, I feel the same way about vows. You made a promise, in good times and in bad.”

See, no substance to my response…. because I don’t have my own!

So, the moral of the story today is… Dallas become your own person and stand by what you believe. 

I believe in love quite honestly. I believe in dedication. I believe in friendship. I believe in a created family. But I also believe in independence. But what I really see from all of this is a fight for everyone involved. Yes, my mom is sick, but we are all fighting that fucking C-word with her. She calls the shots, and we need to stand by her.. and with her.

There, I made a decision about my morals and myself. I love it when people help me… but under my rules. I don’t like broken promises. I believe in forever.

Until next time…

The Things You Notice While Watching Your Mother Sleep

Day Two: One-Word Prompts

Image

 

So, my hope for this book that I am writing is that it chronicle my odd and enchanting (?) life. So, with this in mind, I purchased The Book of Me: a do it yourself memoir I haven’t touched it since 2010, and the reasons why will be chronicled on another day. But, for now… let’s start with The Book of Me; a do it yourself memoir section, “One-Word Prompts.”

 

“Even one-word prompts can rev up your thinking and stir up an insight. Write quickly and don’t second guess yourself.”

When do you feel….

Adored: when I am with friends

Afraid: when I think about being alone

Ambitious: when I am writing

Angry: when I think about my parents

Ashamed: when I think about my mental issues

Bored: right now

Cocky: when talking about feminism

Confused: all the time

Content: never

Courageous: when my heart beats

Cruel: when someone breaks my heart

Disappointed: when someone breaks my heart

Embarrassed: when I feel really fat

Exhausted: after I volunteer

Grateful: when I am at yoga

Greedy: when I am practicing what I learned in counselling

Guilty: when I borrow money from my parents

Happy: when surrounded by puppies

Inspired: when I am with my nephew

Intimidated: when I am with like-minded folks

Jealous: every fucking minute

Left out: when I was in highschool.

Lonely: when I am in a strange city alone.

Needed: When I am at work

Obsessed: When I am in a relationship or eating a bag of chips

Passionate: when I am writing

Proud: when I graduated University and when I produced my first Pride Parade

Relieved: when I lie and don’t get caught in it.

Remorsefulness: when I get caught in a lie

Resentful: when those that hurt me are happy

Selfish: when I live for myself

Sexy: after a shower in a white t shirt and cotton underwear

Stressed: when packing for a trip

Sympathetic: when others are hurting

Threatened: when I am not believed

Trusted: when I am with kids and animals

Vengeful: when I feel betrayed.

 

 

 

Day Two: One-Word Prompts

Day One: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

ImageSuburbiaitis: I have it.

I am pretty sure that suburbiatis is not a word, but it should be. I have it. I have taken this summer to find myself (amongst so many other things that I will get into later) but I have already discovered one thing after only 5 days. I am not a suburban dweller. I am a city person through and through. I would live the rest of my days wandering the streets of New York City, looking through bookstores, and drinking coffee. This is who I am.

My mom just said to me, “Maybe you were meant for a solitary life?” I am not sure about that, however I am sure that my life will never be completely solitary as I will always have the city, any city.

Why am I knee-deep in the suburban sprawl of not-quite Vancouver?

Many reasons… and I will put them in a list. These are in no particular order of importance, sadness, happiness, or illusions. My fiance and I are no more, I am depressed (clinically and medicated), my mom has cancer and needs help, I missed my nephew and had never met my niece, I missed Vancouver because I had literally ran away from it 7 years ago.

There. Now  I don’t have to post ANYTHING on my Facebook status. *please NO sympathy comments* 🙂

Stay tuned for more…

XOXOXOXO

 

Day One: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”