If I Could, I Surely Would…

It’s 12:47 am. I need to get up in 4 and a half hours. It is one of those nights that I hate and love with equal strength. Either it is the ridiculous amount of sugar and caffeine I have had (which I know is killing me) or it is the internal fucked up workings of a brain that is overrun with so much darkness that it cant shut off.It is also when I feel most alive because I am actually feeling that I cant help but love it because there is no other feeling that makes sense.

I just watched a girl get arrested from my window. She seemed tweaked out, like she was dancing to the song that was in my head. I wonder what happened. I am sure that this has happened to her before. I hope that she is ok.

I just watched Wild. I cried a lot. The look on her face when she was dying and dead reminded me so much of that night/morning that I watched my mom slip out of her current life and on to the next. This year has been morbid. I need to be ok with who and what I am right now. I need to grieve. I need to rest.  I need to stop. I need to let it hurt. I need to feel alive. All I am is numb.

If I Could, I Surely Would…

I Am My Own Worst Enemy

All I hear..

You are so good..

You need to write more..

Start writing those books..

I sit in front of my computer..

I hear your words..

I think about my dishes, my weight, my failures..

My bills, my mom, my floors..

You see I am my own worst enemy..

My brain doesn’t work like yours..

You say I am good, and at times I agree.

But I would rather do dishes, than just be..

I Am My Own Worst Enemy

Book Review: Book by a female author.

The Girl You Left Behind: JoJo Moyes


I have the priviledge of working in a bookstore and with that I receive many copies of books from publishers hoping that we will love them and read them and recommend them to our customers. We also have a stash of books in our lunch room that have been read and are looking for good homes. This is where I picked up JoJo Moyes The Girl You Left Behind.

The last time I read a romance was in 1991 when I discovered feminism. I loathe romance novels only because of its ridiculous language and heternormativity. Jojo Moynes has won two Romantic Novelist Awards and this particular novel is also about a couple of heterosexual romances.


So you would probably ask… why did I chose this particular novel? Well, a couple of reasons: I liked the cover, and it centres around a piece of art. I am not a picky reader, and the simple things usually bring me joy.

The first half of the story, set in 1916, tells the tale of Sophie, a strong French woman left to tend to a hotel and a nasty group German soldiers after her husband Edouard has left to go to the war. Artist Edouard’s portrait of Sophie hangs in the hotel, and catches the eye of the Kommandant. All Sophie wants to do is find her husband who she has not heard from in months and stops at nothing to find him.

The second half of the story catches up with Liv, nearly 100 year later who is now the owner of the painting. Liz is struggling with some demons of her own, and the question of the paintings past and rightful ownership put her to the test.

My verdict:

Grade: A

As mentioned, I loathe romance novels. But , I think the cure for the romance blahs is that of JoJo Moynes. I am a believer again. There is so much wit, despair, soul, and fun in this that I could not put it down. As an aspiring novelist I took so many great ideas from her words. This book is full of intelligence and historical intrigue. At some points I wanted to cry, throw up, and laugh. Danielle Steele has never done this for me.

Books Read So Far:

The Lost Prince: Based in another country

The Girl You Left Behind: Written by a female

Book Review: Book by a female author.

Men’s Rights Groups Have Got it Wrong! : My new PinkPlayMags Post!

Taken from: Some Kind of Feminist

Men’s Rights Groups Have Got It Wrong

So, my Facebook page doesn’t see a lot of action from others, only posts from yours truly, usually proudly proclaiming my love of my new found singlehood, or perhaps showcasing the talents of any writer on Autostraddle.com. Well, to my astonishment (and perhaps deepest desire), posting an article on Men’s Rights Organization CAFE’s latest billboard extravaganza, with my caption ‘Thoughts?’ created more likes and comments and debates than my page has ever seen.


Before i divulge into the feedback I received on my Facebook page, as well as some interesting CAFE facts, I need to disclose some facts. Most of these responses were from cisgender white folks who were equal parts male and female. I say this because, regardless of the fact that the arguments were relevant, to have only this demographic, leaves out a large portion of folks who are affected by domestic violence, and without this input we only scrape a tiny portion off of the problems, we as a society face.

CAFE recently decided to post an elephantine billboard on the corner of Davenport and Avenue in Toronto with the proclamation, “Half of domestic violence victims are men,” and that “There are no domestic violence shelters dedicated to us.” Displayed alongside the message of  the Men’s Right’s rhetoric is a picture of a white woman, closely resembling Linda Blair in the Exorcist, as Leah McLaren of the Globe and Mail puts it, screeching something to the poor white man, who has to plug his ears in protest.

Linda Blair The Exorcist

A self-proclaimed group “committed to achieving equality for all Canadians,” CAFE has had its fair share of controversies. In March of 2014, they were granted charitable status by the Canada Revenue Agency, however lied about having Egale Canada, Women’s Legal Education and Action Fund, and the Status of Women Canada as potential participants in future events and panels organized by CAFE. The WorldPride 2014 committee in Toronto revoked CAFE’s permit to march in the Pride Parade due to concern that the group would not align with the values of Pride Toronto. Despite this fact, CAFE marched in the parade alongside the Sherbourne Health Centre, arriving the morning of the parade in CAFE t-shirts. Sherbourne asked them to wear Sherbourne t-shirts, which they did, however passed out CAFE paraphernalia to the audience. When asked about this, Sherbourne stated that they were not aware of this, and if known, would have asked them not to walk with them.


In 2012, CAFE organized an event with keynote speaker, and a leader of the modern Men’s Movement, Warren Farrell, author of such works as The Myth of Male Power, Why Men Earn More, and my personal favorite, Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men?  at the University of Toronto. This was met with protests organized by the University of Toronto’s Student Union. Some of the female protesters were subject to online harassment on register-her.com, a repugnant website run by American Men’s Rights Group, A Voice for Men. Some fine work from a flock of fear-mongering, emasculated folks questing for ‘equality among all Canadians.’


As stated, my Facebook page was aflutter with action when this article was posted right after the absolutely adorbs video of animals seeing the outdoors for the first time. Some comments were expected, “False stats. They’re lying,” and “Half is a bold claim.” Some from concerned parents were correct in their concern, “As a woman with two sons…..if any of us experienced any kind of violence I would hope that we would have a safe haven and respect shown to us…..regardless of gender.” Others spoke from the concern of men, “My point behind all of this is, we don’t have enough support for men in any negative situation, addiction, abuse, or otherwise. I’m very thankful that women get as much support as they do, but I acknowledge that more could be done.”

There was also some concern about abuse in general, “Domestic violence needs to be addressed with all sex’s in any campaign bringing about information, which then leads to discussion about this topic, is a win/win for all,” and “The numbers are very real. Gender aside, abuse is abuse – physical, emotional, financial – and it hurts individuals and society at large. I am a man and I have suffered abuse at the sign of men, and women. Some people aren’t given the words to express their frustration. I am also lucky to know that I don’t thrive in a relationship like that. Many people out there however cannot leave their abuser, or do not feel they have the power to change the situation.”

As a feminist and a woman, I of course have an opinion. It is very difficult to keep my imminent and intense rage at another Men’s Rights Group telling me as a feminist that I am the root of all of their ailments and inadequacies when in fact I know damn well that patriarchy is the cause, not me. This is the thing, violence is not an issue solely allocated to women. It happens EVERYWHERE and excludes no one and I will never dispute that. What I absolutely detest is the fact that these groups such as CAFE that have degraded women over and over again, and were created right around the time feminism really started making a difference and continue to claim to fight for equality  yet instill such a hatred towards women’s rights that they will do nothing short of attempting to strip any essential service we rightly deserve.Yes, the system is skewed, and yes domestic abuse is far from solved. Abuse and the power structures that surround are a direct result of patriarchy which was created by very powerful white men. This is what CAFE should be angry at, not the women struggling to live on an equal footing as men.

This is Feminism.

Men’s Rights Groups Have Got it Wrong! : My new PinkPlayMags Post!