If I Could, I Surely Would…

It’s 12:47 am. I need to get up in 4 and a half hours. It is one of those nights that I hate and love with equal strength. Either it is the ridiculous amount of sugar and caffeine I have had (which I know is killing me) or it is the internal fucked up workings of a brain that is overrun with so much darkness that it cant shut off.It is also when I feel most alive because I am actually feeling that I cant help but love it because there is no other feeling that makes sense.

I just watched a girl get arrested from my window. She seemed tweaked out, like she was dancing to the song that was in my head. I wonder what happened. I am sure that this has happened to her before. I hope that she is ok.

I just watched Wild. I cried a lot. The look on her face when she was dying and dead reminded me so much of that night/morning that I watched my mom slip out of her current life and on to the next. This year has been morbid. I need to be ok with who and what I am right now. I need to grieve. I need to rest.  I need to stop. I need to let it hurt. I need to feel alive. All I am is numb.

Advertisements
If I Could, I Surely Would…

One thought on “If I Could, I Surely Would…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s